SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!!!
So the other day I definitely realized that that I am deeply afraid of commitment. Like I use to be in denial when people told me that I might be afraid of the C word, but I shrugged it off. I really zoned out last Sunday and imagined me actually commited to someone. The very thought of that non-sense scared the shit out of me. I run from it.
So what can be the cause?? IDK. hmmm I do see people get hurt alot, do to relationships. I ammm self-defending, so maybe I'm protecting myself from "pain" or any other unhealthy effects that can be caused by relationships?? My adult life has basically consisted of "friends" not necessarily friends with benefits, but true friends who I happened to have "relations" with. A girlfriend though?? NAAAA not so much, well at least not since BECKA. siiiiiiiighhh. lol I had to laugh at that one.
When things start to get to the wire and look like it could be headed into a possible relationship, I change the direction. hahaaa am I a bad person?? I have a lot of standards, that in this day and age i find myself believing that I will never find in a person (if that makes sense).
Like how do you change?? Because I feel awful for being this way. It is seriously upseting my stomach, maybe because I thought I knew myself well enough, I'm a mystery to myself...WTF?? I am determined to know myself better though, and figure this thing out.
Understandable. You are doing what is good for you. Surely there are folks like you who feel the same about commitment, but in no way should you feel bad about it. It'll come your way when you're ready for it...shouldn't be much to worry about. It has nothing to do with age though, doesn't put you in a certain category. I feel commitment is more on the mature side...it's all about taking risks.
ReplyDeleteCommitment is about taking risks, and if you're not at that point in your life yet, there is no need to push it. Everyone arrives there at different times. For example, Tanith NEVER stayed with any chick longer than a year before he met me, and we hit 4.5 years next month. He found what he wanted in me that he didn't find in all his other girlfriends, and here we are.
ReplyDeleteAs you get older and find that quality chick who embodies everything you want, that you can talk to, you can kick it with from nice dinners to watching sports, and that lets you be you without griping, you'll know it and you'll want to commit to her. Commitment has nothing to do with age or a point in your life, it's more about maturity and the things that come along with commitment. You have nothing to feel bad about for being afraid of commitment. It's a HUGE step to make in life.
As far as changing it, it is not something that can be forced. The change will come on its own, so just let it happen.