My "dad"

Growing up ALL I wanted was a father figure.

I got 15% of that. What did I learn from my dad..? I learned, that no matter how hard the world gets, you can't stop, KEEP HANDLING BUSINESS. I learned this by example, it wasn't taught to me. BE the OPPOSITE of my dad. It has been me, my mom, and my sister(the three of us), my mother and sister raised me, but fuck it!

I never could understand why that nigga was distant or why he put my mom through so much pain. To me he is not a man, he is not a grandfather to my future children.

He cooked and sold drugs while the three of us lived under the same roof. Known in Santa Ana as a drug icon, there was people constantly at our house, in our shed in the back yard. Evil all around me. I use to think this man rolled his own cigarettes in a shoe box top, come to realize later in life when I started smoking that they were joints. SMH. There were a couple of drive-bys and, when he owed Cubans money, they came to OUR house. My mother was harassed until she gave them the money that they were looking for. Soon after that incident we moved to Upland, CA (start of the 909). I was only 5. I idolized him then though. I have gained NO positive influences from him. My mom and him tried to make things work again after we moved, but it was clearly not meant to be.


<------Our old house, this is what it looks like now.

When I reached 3rd grade I started visiting him on the weekends, on and off. No child support (bum ass nigga). So when I got old enough, I stole money from him (4th grade). I starting developing a little hate for him, but I always protected him from others, example: my mom talks about him A LOT, and I would tell her not to talk about him "he my dad", not like he didn't deserve it, but I felt like I should be the only one who hated him. Weird. He started buying me little shit so it looked good on him. Buy me shit and brag, "FUCK YOU!!! Nigga its your duty" that's how I felt, and I'm sure how my mom felt.

Second semester 8th grade I moved in with him, I rebelled against my mom, and this was suppose to be my discipline. Well, if I couldn't get along with my mom what the FUCK makes you think I could get along with my STEP MOM..?? Long story short we had major issues with each other. Fought my dad too much, and the nigga would not let me call mom dukes. So the last day of school I stole 120$ and ran away from my dad's house. My mom came to scoop me on a low key mission! lol

Didn't really start fucking with that nigga again till 11th grade//senior year. By then I could see right through my dad. Now days I'm more positive towards my dad, still have mixed feelings about him, theres times I'm glad to see him, and times I say fuck him. I look at him and see a missed opportunity, on both of our parts. You know like what we could have been (no homo). How different I would be, being raised by both parents. As I grow I start to notice how I resemble him. I'm tied to this man. Shit kills me inside. He's making cake now, doing car shows etc. But he is still a cheap ass.

My kids will have a dad, a FATHER they can rely on, and love, and respect, and they will ALWAYS have my support. This is life and I understand that...just venting to yall...

LOW KEY HE POSTED THE BLOG UNDER THIS ONE, when I went to his Barbershop on Tue.