I have awaken from my fairytale slumber. The monster to come is a result of being hated, misunderstood, and judged. Basically at the end of the day who ever is going to ride with me, is going to ride with me, and whoever don't want to ride, is getting LEFT, cause I'm always going to be RIGHT when living MY life.
Two Shockers for anyone who don't know...in the order in which they occurred.
First, I CHOSE to separate from the Air Force. Basically, it wasn't for me. The Air Force def is NOT for everyone, and it's hard to understand unless you actually join. People are going to be proud of you, and want you to stick with it. At the end of the day, it's YOU that has to deal with any consequences from that decision.
I initially joined as a HUSTLE, get paid, go to school, and have job stability. Sounds like the perfect opportunity right?? FUCK NO!!! This organization will drive you crazy. I have never been depressed like I was between the months of February and August of 2010. I do believe if it wasn't for my girlfriend out here I probably would have been in a deeper depression then I already was, I used her house as a escape away from it all, she kept my mind in order, and basically on the right track, even when I wanted to knock the train off. I learned that you can run but you CAN'T hide forever. Reality was I was OWNED by them, almost like a slave that gets paid. Being hated by higher ups at work and supervisors trying to intentionally get me in any kind of trouble they can is only a fraction of what I dealt with. Can't really express your mind while you serve, so any sense of freedom is banished. You can follow your chain of command to try to resolve issues that way, but as a airman, niggas try to shit on you. Needless to say my voice wasn't heard, and I had to make moves.
This isn't something I just up and decided to do, I put a lot of serious thought and prayer into this decision. Overall I am happy with my decision, AUG 31 2010 I dropped a massive amount of weight off of my shoulders. Since then I have regaining the person that was lost throughout this last past year.
About 2 1/2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I found out she was pregnant. WOW, yes I know. If you would have asked me how I felt about having children a month ago, I probably would have said "DEFFFF NOT, not anytime soon, maybe when I'm like 30, lol right now I am too young, plus I can nooooot be the stereotype" my family has a ALMOST automatic history of young pregnancies, with the exception of only a few. If you ask them if they are still with the "baby daddy" B.D. for short, not any of them can say YES!!! Well maybe two, but other than that NOPE, and I am NOT judging at all, that's life and that's how the cookie crumbled, so I expect others not to judge me for my mistakes. I love my girlfriend and my future child who's brain is developing as I write this. The way I was raised I am GOING to be HERE for my child. Like forget a b.d. I'm trying to be a BABY FATHER. I understand that this has all occurred from not being FULLY responsible and possibly occurred on one of those crazy nights via "PULL OUT METHOD" lol but all I can do is move forward. I feel like I have had the major talks I needed to have, and I understand that it's disappointing, but I don't need to hear that, I need website, book, and store reference to enhance this new journey that I am about to embark on. I feel like, if no one has anything positive, helpful or encouraging words, then I CAN'T see you. Right now me and Danielle are debating baby names...any suggestions?
Hey baby bro. So does this mean I can go around bragging about being an auntie? Congratulations to you and Danielle.
ReplyDeleteI used to use this website when I was pregnant to see what my baby really looked like: http://www.epigee.org/fetal1.html
Get the book What to Expect When You're Expecting ASAP. It has info about everything that will and might happen during pregnancy.
Also, check out www.babyzone.com because they have a newsletter based on your baby's due date that tells you every week what's going on with his/her development.
K **thumbs up** TTYL
Man! So much has gone on. The USAF is definitely like a slave ship of sorts...they own you, control you, and you really have no voice as a member unless you're high ranking. There is only so much that people can deal with, and no one can shit on you for at least trying it. There are thousands of people who wouldn't even try to become a member of the military. I love the USAF, they play a major role in my life, but the shit that goes down pisses me off. People with a little power in the military are often likened to people who became police officers after they graduated high school...they were probably pushed around, picked on, and bullied, so now they want to repay people for the shit they went through. That is not the mentality that people in our military should have. One monkey can ruin the whole damn show.
ReplyDeleteCongrats again to you and Danielle. If you chose to be a baby FATHER as opposed to being a baby DADDY, you will be. When you first told me that she was expecting, my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe it! As long as you two are going to take this journey together, you'll be fine. There are going to be times where both of you just want to throw in the towel and give up, but just remember that while things don't always get easier, they will get better. Sure, it came at a time in your life where you're transitioning and trying to figure everything out, but maybe that's how it was meant to be. Life is a roller coaster with many twists and turns...