I'm in Love With a STRIPPER..??

WOOOOW

Just had thee dopest weekend I have had while being in Texas!

Ummm went to "Peeping Tom's".....

Wait let me tell you the whole story though. A group of friends and I went to Dallas last Sunday on a mission to turn 21, and we did....successfully! haaahaaaa. Later we met up with some good ol' flight members from good ol' B.M.T. So we all decide to go to dinner, WOMEN were invited, drinks were drank, and we all had a nice chill time!!!

NOW AFTER this event we grasp for something to do in the big city of Dallas. STRIP CLUB..?? FREAKIN AWESOME!!! lol soo we ventured out into the wild dark yonder! So when we first get there its pretty cool everyone is looking aroung kinda vibing ya know, then my friends says, "I heard if you don't tip girls out here(Dallas) then the bouncers beat your ass" lmaooo, now that's funny cause I kinda believed him, SOOOOO I started tipping! bomb chicks too, later on in the night I end up "conversing" with a mighty attractive stripper. we talked and talked and she kinda got in trouble for talking to me so much instead of "getting that money" so we go to the back and she gives me the most intimate dance ever experienced in life. So after that we developed a kinda bond for the night (FOR FREE) she sat down on my lap and just as I was about to ask for her number SHEEE asked me if we could exchange...WTF HELL yahhh...(Martin Luther King J.r. VOICE) = "IIII HAD A DREAM...TOOOOO TAKE DOOWWWWN A STRIPPER...ya digg) lol

SOOOO LIVE YUUR LiiiFE..AYEEE

Thoughts of a WEIRDO...

Friends...?? wait friends with benefits..?? ohh ya that's was the one. Can women handle that role?? lol, well, my past will say..."FUCK NO" Someone always catches feelings...RIGHT??

If its "no big deal" why make one(big deal)?? ...sound like a woman? Agreement? I would have rather stayed friends too, that's the sad part. I guess human beings have poor self control, well I'll admit to that.

I'm definitely looked at like the bad guy, ALWAYS, maybe I was trying to spare this girl's feelings, kinda cared about what she thought and all...so yah, I held my tongue, it is my understanding not everyone can handle the truth. Truth is, after the first weekend, she got clingy(according to me), and borderline annoying the week after. I am a weirdo, I am very social, BUT I'm a weirdo who still has problems. Friends with benefits should not really spend that much time with each other. Is it wrong to keep stress in your life to yourself? I like time to myself, alot of it, especially at this point and time in my life. I reflect on my life and this new adventure I been on for a couple of months.

The world is bigger than her(you). Getting mad that we don't hang out is DUMB...WAIT, and getting mad about TEXT is EVEN DUMBER, Guess we can call those actions dumb and dumber?? lol...right? Ohhh lets get disrespectful, it would definitely be the FIRST time..cause I know she's not serious. I have other friends, I have myself, and I had her. I enjoy kicking it with all of the above....especially myself. All this extra shit is just drama to me, and THEE EXACT MOMENT that drama is introduced into a friends with benefits relationship it is automatically compromised. We can never go back to doing what we were doing, I would like to still be her friend though.

So wait a friend understands who you are though right?? lol not really...you can say I change, or you can accept the fact that you never really knew me in the first place. She said she will "give me a chance to grow some" LMAO....wow sounds like a childish challenge, you don't have to motivate me to keep it real with you...

My Epiphany about "COMMITMENT"

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!!!

So the other day I definitely realized that that I am deeply afraid of commitment. Like I use to be in denial when people told me that I might be afraid of the C word, but I shrugged it off. I really zoned out last Sunday and imagined me actually commited to someone. The very thought of that non-sense scared the shit out of me. I run from it.

So what can be the cause?? IDK. hmmm I do see people get hurt alot, do to relationships. I ammm self-defending, so maybe I'm protecting myself from "pain" or any other unhealthy effects that can be caused by relationships?? My adult life has basically consisted of "friends" not necessarily friends with benefits, but true friends who I happened to have "relations" with. A girlfriend though?? NAAAA not so much, well at least not since BECKA. siiiiiiiighhh. lol I had to laugh at that one.

When things start to get to the wire and look like it could be headed into a possible relationship, I change the direction. hahaaa am I a bad person?? I have a lot of standards, that in this day and age i find myself believing that I will never find in a person (if that makes sense).

Like how do you change?? Because I feel awful for being this way. It is seriously upseting my stomach, maybe because I thought I knew myself well enough, I'm a mystery to myself...WTF?? I am determined to know myself better though, and figure this thing out.

Chill

Ok, so i think I made the mistake of being too social. Mobbing around is something I Like to do, the more friends the better. Well in my situation, SOMEONE has to plan all these kick it sessions, every movie, bowling session, etc. has to be planned, and guess who people look to to plan shit....ME, yah .

The attention at times is nice, but that attention sometimes shows you how annoying human beings can be. TEXT, TEXT, TEXT I get text left and right non-stop. Today for instance, I have trying to do nothing but chill, but I'm not being allowed to. Its like call this person call that person, "YOO get their fuckin number and call them yourself" straight up. Its like about to get to the point where people are going to text me to schedule shits for them....sheeesh just once i want someone to invite me to something planned, something I have to put in no work for. Its just stressful. I feel kinda bad for blowing up on my friends here today. I figured I would write this blog to clear my head of it.

I nbeed some fredd0 time YO....

UPDATE YO

SURVIVAL would be the word used!!

I am surviving, right now the hype has gone down for me and my peers, and we are constantly bumping heads. I know it’s because we are all stuck together, so we are a family basically. For every bad incident that occurs, there are 20 great ones behind it. We are growing together. This teamwork shit is completely new to me.
My mindset tells meeh to do it alone, the earth is a puzzle that I will never fit, I'm not of the world..? ahhh yes...

sheesh dipped into the deep pool for the first time in months, my true self is coming back..?? It feels like I have been missing something that has been discovered tonight. Man like someone gave me my mind back after being trashed in BMT.

I have people back at home looking up to me yo. Like motivating people is a big thing to me, because when I didn't have much confidence, I was highly motivated. Motivated to change, but the change was recognized on my part. Change is essential to life.

I feel as if I have matured in a great way, almost too much, as I sit and reminice on my past I realize that I have grown. Staying home on Friday night is not a big deal. Material objects are not as important as they seem, its kind of hipocritical seeing as how my life is controlled, but do NOT let trends from the media control your life. Evaluate your life and whats important then implement priorities, short term, and long term goals.

Sooo, on some other shit, I have realized that i really like this girl I know. She's going to school to be a...... Now, the catch with this is that, she is a good ass friend! Do you risk something like that?? Like is it worth it?? I would love comments for this question.

Social life has a automatic poppin tag attached to it. Shout out to the hommie Coleman, Thiboeaux(spell check) I just spell it "teebo" lol, and all my classmates and other friends. They hold me down in a major way.

Shout out to CALI//FL// LV//AZ and now TX sheesh.....

My Situation

Sooo... I am in a place where hormones are raging. People are wild and it's embarassing to watch and be around. I am deprived of good quality women. And it's taking it's toll on me. I am deprived sexually(no frontin), and if I am goin to be getting down this women must maintain pure quality, this means personality is right and looks are on point and she does not have a massive flock of dudes with her all day on sum whore-ish type shit. I mean to normal dudes this would be paradise, but all of you who know me, know I am not an average dude and normal is not in my vocabulary.

Will I survive these circumstances?? Will I live through the seemingly lonely depression in a place full of free love??

It's my birthday

I am 20 yrs old thank god.

I'm praying for a great day... Ya digg!

Beeh easy everyone