Things Happen...

I have awaken from my fairytale slumber. The monster to come is a result of being hated, misunderstood, and judged. Basically at the end of the day who ever is going to ride with me, is going to ride with me, and whoever don't want to ride, is getting LEFT, cause I'm always going to be RIGHT when living MY life.

Two Shockers for anyone who don't know...in the order in which they occurred.

First, I CHOSE to separate from the Air Force. Basically, it wasn't for me. The Air Force def is NOT for everyone, and it's hard to understand unless you actually join. People are going to be proud of you, and want you to stick with it. At the end of the day, it's YOU that has to deal with any consequences from that decision.

I initially joined as a HUSTLE, get paid, go to school, and have job stability. Sounds like the perfect opportunity right?? FUCK NO!!! This organization will drive you crazy. I have never been depressed like I was between the months of February and August of 2010. I do believe if it wasn't for my girlfriend out here I probably would have been in a deeper depression then I already was, I used her house as a escape away from it all, she kept my mind in order, and basically on the right track, even when I wanted to knock the train off. I learned that you can run but you CAN'T hide forever. Reality was I was OWNED by them, almost like a slave that gets paid. Being hated by higher ups at work and supervisors trying to intentionally get me in any kind of trouble they can is only a fraction of what I dealt with. Can't really express your mind while you serve, so any sense of freedom is banished. You can follow your chain of command to try to resolve issues that way, but as a airman, niggas try to shit on you. Needless to say my voice wasn't heard, and I had to make moves.

This isn't something I just up and decided to do, I put a lot of serious thought and prayer into this decision. Overall I am happy with my decision, AUG 31 2010 I dropped a massive amount of weight off of my shoulders. Since then I have regaining the person that was lost throughout this last past year.


About 2 1/2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I found out she was pregnant. WOW, yes I know. If you would have asked me how I felt about having children a month ago, I probably would have said "DEFFFF NOT, not anytime soon, maybe when I'm like 30, lol right now I am too young, plus I can nooooot be the stereotype" my family has a ALMOST automatic history of young pregnancies, with the exception of only a few. If you ask them if they are still with the "baby daddy" B.D. for short, not any of them can say YES!!! Well maybe two, but other than that NOPE, and I am NOT judging at all, that's life and that's how the cookie crumbled, so I expect others not to judge me for my mistakes. I love my girlfriend and my future child who's brain is developing as I write this. The way I was raised I am GOING to be HERE for my child. Like forget a b.d. I'm trying to be a BABY FATHER. I understand that this has all occurred from not being FULLY responsible and possibly occurred on one of those crazy nights via "PULL OUT METHOD" lol but all I can do is move forward. I feel like I have had the major talks I needed to have, and I understand that it's disappointing, but I don't need to hear that, I need website, book, and store reference to enhance this new journey that I am about to embark on. I feel like, if no one has anything positive, helpful or encouraging words, then I CAN'T see you. Right now me and Danielle are debating baby names...any suggestions?

Are You Thinking Too Highly About Yourself..??

Well are you?? Lol.

The thing is a lot of people think too highly of themselves. This is caused by fantasies that people make up in their head, to illustrate their physical appearance, personality appearance, and more. Also, more so for females, there are people in life that will lie and GAS people up. lol UNLEADED. and really it's getting sick to me.

This girl the other day kept talking talking talking, ABOUT HERSELF! "I'm a real women, not any of these little girls running around" hmmm ok, your not that old first off and your Facebook conversation alone would not reflect your age, and you hang out with little girls. Please! like if you have to tell "niggas" that you are not the average chick-bla-bla-blaaah, then guess what sweetheart, you are "definitely" a BASIC BITCH. you are the very thing you try to condescend over. Straight up, in this life there are "definites" and "basics".

Def- Is basically THAT BITCH- she knows what she wants, she not fake, and has proper capability to hold down a man. You do not deny this girl to others...she's definite.

Basic- Your lame, and you overrate yourself. Lol.

NOW, with that all said, I encourage everyone within my path of life, to keep it real with themselves and others when it come to the person they are, and what they represent.

My Life Through Song

..Off of the THANK ME LATER LP. by Drake.

The act or instance of resisting or capacity to resist.

A force that tends to oppose or retard motion.

A PROCESS IN WHICH THE EGO OPPOSES THE CONSCIOUS RECALL OF ANXIETY-PRODUCING EXPERIENCES. ----MY relation...

Do you put up a fight to NOT change(resisit) or do you let changed consume you?? It's easier that way, and change can sometimes be healthy, but to change who you are, are you really ok with that? Are the people around you ok with that? Or do they not matter. How do you feel when someone tells you that you have changed? is it a suprise, do you really even care??

I'm asking a lot of questions but I also have a lot of answers!